Forgiveness is a bitch. It is a concept that has really been pressed upon me recently… the art of forgiveness and letting go. I find I am reminding myself to “Elsa that shit” more days than I don’t so its obviously something that has been presented to me to work on. That’s how I like to see life. If it is something that you’re repeatedly challenged with, that’s your lesson that you need to be learning. That’s the “chapter” of life’s textbook that you’re supposed to be working on right now.
I tend to get very attached to people and situations very quickly. I go from the gut and the heart and when I actually feel butterflies, it’s a BIG deal. So, when things end or go a way that varies from my expectations, I know it is my own attachment to the outcome that makes it hard for me to deal and let it goooo.
So, this year the Great Spirit has blessed me with some very big life lessons in the form of two humans. One will do anything to try to hurt me the other will say anything to try to tear me down. In both relationships, I have bent over backwards to try to salvage the relationship and make them happy, even at the sake of sacrificing what I felt comfortable with taking.
This is what I have learned.
1) Manage my expectations – I cannot expect for everyone to act and do as I would in any given situation, they are living their own journey which is molded my their past conditioning and karma and I am here to live my journey along side theirs in this chapter.
2) Their words/actions are not a reflection of myself – There is something that is the catalyst for their actions and as long as I have done the best by them that I can, that’s all I can do. I am a good human in and of my own right. All I can do is love them and wish them better days on their journey.
3) I am okay – Seriously. Whatever happens it is not the end of the world, just the end of the chapter. I am okay. You are okay. Even if what you did/said/didn’t do was not, I just have to accept that it is something that I have to release (along with you) and move forward.
4) Moving forward and moving on are separate things – You can still love someone and continue in your life without them. If someone crosses your boundaries in a way that cannot be repaired. It is ok to love them, forgive them, and go on without them as best you can. Just because someone you love hurt you does not mean that you have to stop existing and it doesn’t mean you stop loving them in your own way.
5) Closure is bullshit – Yup, I said it. Closure is a concept that rarely ever pans out. If you don’t receive the closure you crave, it doesn’t mean it isn’t over and that it SHOULDN’T be over… because it should. Just because you don’t get closure, doesn’t mean that the connection is a healthy and strong one. It just means that they never came up with the words or the actions to make you feel better. They didn’t do it while you were together, they probably never can.
So, it’s a process. I am still learning and healing and with full honesty, I hope they are, too. We all have to be good humans here…and it is fucking hard when we are dealing with our own karma and past hurts, bad programming and fears. I just have to accept that people come into your life for a reason and sometimes that reason is to teach you in a hard way what you need to learn the most and that is why the best thing I can do for myself and for them is to be grateful for the lesson, send them my love, and let it go.